Hole of Justice: Grand Plan at the Kingdom by the River (10)

Hole of Justice: Grand Plan at the Kingdom by the River (10): "By Peter Jimenea/ Hole of Justice Oplan Pagbag-o and its center wind, Team Pagbag-o, continues to make the Kingdom by the River more c..."

Grand Plan at the Kingdom by the River (10)

By Peter Jimenea/ Hole of Justice

Oplan Pagbag-o and its center wind, Team Pagbag-o, continues to make the Kingdom by the  River more colorful.

 Pagbag-o   or change is the battlecry of King Tura in the May elections and centrepiece of his governance now. The most visible sign of that is its deformed version “Oplan Pagbag-o” which is about to grab full control of the kingdom in an operation codenamed “Grand Plan”.

Kawkaw was the division handed over to Hydrocephallus last September. Kawkaw works to link the kingdom to communities. He got the post on endorsement by Bogart who yielded to the prodding of Jijimon Mutya, a cute lady strutting around selling a pair of giant melons instead of her brain. Hydrocephallus was in the media stable of Bogart and Long Legs in the election period.

Radyo Mo links the palace of the Kingdom by the River to the municipios and the other facilities of the kingdom like hospitals and the motor pool via a two-way radio. It is not a broadcast station. It merely tells to contacts to report to the palace for conference and something like that “ober-and-out”.

KIO means Kingdom Information Office headed by Ma’am Malou who would later fall victim to the machination of Hydrocephallus.

The three divisions mentioned above have been “dissolved” and merged into a “new office” called “Kawpid”. This office serves as vehicle of the “Grand Plan” to pave the way for  transition, take over actually, of power by Bogart’s henchmen. Oplan Pagbag-o or Grand Plan has been hatched by Hydrocephallus, Jijimon Mutya and Dok Kagaw on the premise that King Tura’s health is failing and may be unable to finish his term.

Kawpid is created by a mere executive order that presumes that since parliament allotted a single budget for the three combined divisions named above, a new office has been created by, of all things, the budget ordinance.

The EO was drafted by Hydrocephallus and surreptitiously slipped to the desk of King Tura. It did not pass scrutiny by Papa Dionisio, the kingdom attorney. Below the signature of King Tura is not his but that of Dok Kagaw.

The EO “appointed” Hydrocephallus as head of the Kawpid in violation of civil service rules that requires competitive screening in hiring for permanent positions, like scrutinizing applicants through the Kingdom Screening Board (KSB).

That would not have happened had the opposition in parliament, the Quintet, been on their toes. Gen, Manly, Monde, Yielo and Inday were deep asleep and did not notice that the Kawpid that was written in the executive budget proposal had no legal personality. They are party to the hilarious lapse of appropriating 9.7 million to a non-existent office.

Maybe, as of this time, Ma’am Malou had already filed her complaint before the Civil Service Commission. Maybe, too, Bord Gen already made good his promise to deliver a pribilids spits questioning the duplicity involved in the creation of Kawpid. It was actually a faux pas committed by parliament in appropriating funds for a fictitious office.

Ma’am Malou opposed the dissolution of her office and her demotion from KIO chief to Administrative Officer V. For that, Hydrocephallus, Dok Kagaw, Tibakla and Gin Butlog schemed to bring her to submission by deleting from the payroll her name and her assistant Bikya’s, and withheld the release of office supplies like bondpaper and ink that had already run out.

The two employees have been denied their salaries for February 2011 and will get them back only when they conceded to their demotion.

Hydrocephallus did succeed in executing backstage what he could not on stage. He catapulted himself to his present post by skirting the procedure of submitting himself to the Kingdom Selection Board (KSB). He lacks the needed academic credentials and work experience to qualify him.

He has no master’s degree in management, public administration or other equivalent credentials. He does not even have the civil service eligibility, not even for a “subprof”.

His only eligibility is his gut in flaunting Ritz around, his muni-muni, like what he did last Sunday, February 27, when he “prayed the holy rosary” with her inside his office at the palace of the Kingdom by the River. The guard on duty reported that he was first to arrive in the morning. Ritz came later. Both left at around 4 pm. They must have mistaken the palace for a  motel.

Make my day!

by Peter G. Jimenea/ Hole of Justice

Few years ago, the Department of Agriculture, Regional Office 6, was lorded over by officials with temerity to pounce on government coffers for every chance they get. Thus, it gives us an impression that this office had been overrun by indomitable corruption.

Even auditors and resident ombudsman have stepped over the line of pardonable behavior. This mess happened as they, too, cannot resist the temptation of greed. Instead of reporting the discovered anomaly, they even helped corrupt officials to correct their records of office mess to obviate unwanted consequences.

A resident-ombudsman of the department had been charging also notarial fees for documentation of poor farmers transactions at the regional office. But the law says, being a government lawyer, his notarial services to clients should be rendered free.

A friend in this war against rampant corruption in the DA-6, Marlyn Esperat, died from the hands of assassins hired by top officials of the DA in Mindanao for her expose' of their wrongdoings in a newspaper of regional circulation.

My other friend Mr. Lino Sustento, died after his wish was granted by time. He had been praying that if somebody takes over as the next regional director, he wants him to be Larry Nacionales, the now Regional Executive Director of DA-6, for he salutes the dedication, hardwork and honesty of the man in public service.

Now here's a story that won't go away. When the DA-6 livestock dispersal program was implemented, officials distributed hogs, piglets and cattles to lowly farmers in the region. The first project were piglets, the price of which for high breed does not exceed P1,200 per head.

The department purchased 1,800 piglets from a hog farm (piggery) at the central part of Iloilo for its program. But due to the volume of government purchases, DA-6 acquired the entire stock from the supplier for only P900 per head.

But my God, the purchase voucher of those animals was tainted with grave abuse of discretion. The price of a piglet in the voucher is no longer P900 but P9,000 each. Instead of paying P162,000 for the 1,800 piglets, DA-6 spent P16,200,000. This is what got me so disgusted about!

I learned that a “zero” prostituted the voucher. It was added to P900 in the voucher, thus, making it appear P9,000. The discovered overprice was over P16M, enough for the crooks to enjoy their share of the loot.

When I report this anomaly to the DA Regional Director, he dished out the usual line that one is innocent unless proven guilty. What a glaring proof of camaraderie. It resonates well with my earlier suspicion that this is a syndicate I will be dealing with. But it also give me more reasons to miff them with a new name departamento de los ladrones – a department of thieves!

I brought this matter to the attention of NBI Region 6 which triggered the bureau to investigate. The director even assured me that their investigation will be over in just a month's time.

But I was badly disillusioned. Every time I visit the NBI director, an assistant would meet me to say he's out of office for an important transaction and also uncertain as to when he will return. This is where the bribery subplot came into the picture!

He resurfaced only when the issue died down. I should have confronted him on why it seems that protecting the crooks is the right thing to do. But perhaps, contrition is taking its toll on his guilty conscience that even before I utter a word he seems already badly beaten by his looks.

This is not what we think the NBI business is all about. The same is true with the DA director. They should know that to conceal is one thing, to be silent is another. Now our tragedy is we still have no guarantee that when they stepped down all crooks will go with him.

It is written though, qui peccat ebrius luat sobrius - he who offends when drunk shall be punished when sober. I hope to have made your day in this column, you ask for it, unlike me and Dirty Harry who ask others to make our day!

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Grand Plan at the Kingdom by the River (9)

By Peter G. Jimenea, Hole of Justice

The parliament at the Kingdom by the River recently did something funny: it appropriated funds for a non-existent office.

Nine million seven hundred thousand (9.7) were allotted to Kawpid for fiscal year 2011. Of the amount, 34,000 is set aside in salary for Hydrocephallus, a known plagiarist and inept but overly-ambitious personality, as head of that non-existing office.

That would not have happened had the opposition, namely Gen, Manly, Inday, Monde and Yielo were awoke. The quintet were deep in slumber.

“Ay, wara takon kamaan kara, haw?” remonstrates Gen.

“Ya, bisan balabagan pa namon ran, maperde dulang gihapon kami sa botohay,” remarks Manly.

“Hai, anano man tana sanda, man?” heaves Yielo.

“Insa nakalusot day-a?” asks Inday in her sweet innocence.


"Naisahan gid tana kita," squints Monde.

When I encountered Gen and Manly at the palace last week, I could only smile at them for having been asleep while the thief struck in the deep of the night. I told them that Kawpid was a creature that Hydrocephallus, Dok Kagaw, Ellen of Troy, Mamasang, Boy Bakling and Tibakla designed to catapult Hydrocephallus and subsequently, Bogart, to this inglorious height.

Kawpid sprang from the carcasses of Kaw, Radyo Mo and Kingdom Information Office, which were created by law dating back to the reign of King Rading yet. The first, a division, was awarded to Hydrocephallus after the 2010 elections on recommendation of Bogart through the prodding of Jijimon Mutya.

However, last October, Hydrocephallus and Dok Kagaw surreptitiously slipped to the desk of King Tura a budget proposal that allotted a single budget for all three divisions, which the parliament blindly granted.

The approved combined budget for Kaw, KIO and Radyo Mo served as “legal basis” for Hydrocephallus to draft an executive order (EO) “creating” the Kawpid and de facto dissolving the three divisions, and appointing him to its pinnacle post.

The EO notes that the “approval” of a single budget for all three divisions has “created” the Kawpid and, therefore, the appointment of Hydrocephallus as head of the “new” office.

That is cute. The EO itself and the surreptitious manner with which it slipped to King Tura’s desk is suspicious. The draft did not pass through the scrutiny of the kingdom legal office. It bore no initial of Papa Dionisio, the kingdom attorney.

Only the initial of Dok Kagaw appears below the signature of King Tura.

I reminded Gen and Manly when I dropped by the former’s office last week: “Ano kamo, man? The Kaw is an office created by law, it has legal personality and you were right when you budgetted it in past fiscal years. Radyo Mo has also legal personality, thus, budgeting it is legal. So is the KIO.”

Manly and Gen were stunned when I told them: “Kawpid has no legal personality. You have allotted funds to a non-existent office”.

Gen looked perplexed, showing the reaction of a brilliant intelligence officer who suddenly realized himself having been acting and treated like a jack ass. “Bay-i lang kay i-pribilids spits ko ra,” he explained.

The Kawpid is the single biggest comedy played this year. Let’s know the other key players who facilitated the birth of this creature.

Mamasang certified to the availability of funds of it. Her palatial residence in Haru-an is made of identical building materials used in the old palace, especially the demolished RPTA building.

Ellen of Troy, justified its creation and funding. She had taken and retaken the civil service exams again, again and again but never scored above 50 percent.

Tibakla justified the position of Hydrocephallus in the new plantilla. She and Mamasang are known for their good habit of entertaining male higher ups in cozy, private rooms to get themselves promoted.

Boy Bakling is a new comer like Hydrocephallus but his bond with Hydrocephallus is unbreakable so long as the latter continues his kindness of supplying him with cats, the figurative version of the word which walks on one, not two, pair of legs, if you know what I mean.

The comedy befalling the Kingdom by the River is the core of the plot codenamed “Grand Plan” hatched in the office of Bogart which aims to pave the way for his entry as successor of King Tura.

Hydrocephallus was indorsed to Bogart by Jijimon Mutya and subsequently unleashed to the kingdom to prepare the take-over. This is based on the scenario that King Tura is badly ill and is unlikely to complete his term.

It is not a comedy actually, at least for two employees, namely, Ma’am Malou who were unceremoniously booted out and demoted from the seat of the KIO, and her assistant, Bikya. 


She and Bikya were stricken off the payroll because they opposed the takeover of the KIO and the illegal entry of Hyrcephallus. For the month of February, Ma’am Malou and Bikya have no salaries as result. Tibakla and Gin Butlog deleted their names on prodding of Hydrocephallus and Dok Kagaw.

Their salaries will be restored if and only if they conceded to their demotions. KIO is running out of supplies; it has no more bondpaper and ink for the printer. Hydrocephallus is crippling it to submission by withholding the flow of office supplies and the salaries of the two employees.

I can’t believe this is happening with impunity and with unprecedented brazenness. The Kingdom by the Mall under The  Jedi, the Kingdom of Khan Laon under Bingomania, are moving on smoothly since the May elections. 


But in the Kingdom by the river...may I ask, what’s going on, King Tura?